Making Marriage Work, Pt. 4: Turning Toward Your Spouse

In this post, Robert Grice, PhD, continues exploring Dr. John Gottman’s principles for nurturing a healthy marriage. Dr. Grice is a therapist at Counseling Resources, where he specializes in trauma, grief, and marriage counseling.

In our first three posts, (1, 2, and 3), I introduced the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work that John Gottman discovered after 40 years of research with couples. So far we’ve looked at the first two principles:

1. Making love maps

2. Nurturing fondness and admiration

Today, we move to principle 3.

Turning Toward Each Other Instead of Away

Turning toward each other is a choice. When done enough times, it can become a habit. This means not pushing away when conflicts arise or when you and your spouse face challenges. Rather, it’s an intentional willingness to recognize the problem as an opportunity for growth and intimacy. Problems have a way of enhancing the bond between couples when the two choose to work together as a team. They often come through the experience closer, and the relationship grows stronger. But, suppose you made a habit of pushing away. In that case, you could anticipate your problems moving you farther away from one another. One (or both of you) will start looking for the exit ramp, if not physically then at least emotionally. 

What is your posture toward problems within your marriage?

If you are interested in exploring therapy with Dr. Grice, click HERE to send a message to our office, or call (334) 671-1280.

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